My abuser went for me, and I realised what I had gotten myself into. I thought I was done and dusted. I was worried about the kids, you know, what’s gonna happen?‘Cause I had three children to him. We went into a refuge for months. But then even when I came out, he carried on with the abuse. And the physical abuse you heal from, but you still know the threat’s there, and you’re scared of them.
I felt useless, worthless, unlovable. I felt just worn out and drained. I had lost my whole identity because when I was with my ex, I wasn’t allowed friends, and I wasn’t allowed a social life or nothing. Obviously, suicide comes through your mind. It’s just horrible, horrible. Basically, in the end, I couldn’t take it. I had a nervous breakdown
My neighbour just said,“Are you okay?” when I was going to the shop, and I just broke down crying. I went to the doctors and I got pointed towards the Life Skills Group. I thought I’ll give it a go. And it was down at our local church, the New Brighton Baptist Church. And at first, I was thinking,“oh, they might be a bit, I don’t know, judgmental.” But they were far from it. Just, all’s I’ve had from all of them, is, support, and encouragement, and practical help, left, right, and centre, and friendship. It is, it’s amazing. It actually does make you think about your finances and cooking, and we’ve planted things, like our own tomato plants, and they’re teaching all sorts of really good stuff. You know, I’ve got a lot more confidence, I go more places, I don’t worry so much, and I have actually got a social life now, an extended family. If they say I can’t go, I’m gonna volunteer to help.
I was getting invited to CAP events. I went to the one at the New Brighton Baptist, with Sandra there and Moira. When I felt the love of God and the peace, you know, fill my heart, that was just incredible. That’ll last me a lifetime. And so I said the prayer without hesitation, and it’s filled a hole in my heart that nobody else could fill.
Day-to-day life for me now is so much better. You know, I’ve got friends to go and see. I’ve got places to go. I love taking photographs, photography, painting, writing poetry, going to church. Just enjoying my life, actually enjoying life. It was like almost as if everything was black and white, and now it’s in Technicolour. It is absolute transformation.
Forgive me, Lord, I went astray, But even so, you heard me pray. You sent me friends that guided me, And now I’ve found my family tree. Your roots so strong and branches tall, I know, my Lord, you’re there for all. I’m just a leaf upon your tree, But now I know your love for me. Oh Lord, you are a mighty tree.
