How to support your child at university: A guide for parents and carers

With almost 317,000 UK 18-year-olds having applied to university or college this year–an increase of 0.7% from 2023 and the second-highest on record*–that’s a lot of young people with new studies, places to live, friends to make and skills to learn. There are exciting times ahead, but it can be daunting for both students and parents or carers alike. 

Whether you’re a seasoned pro in packing kids off to university, or you have a first-time fresher flying the nest, you’ll be wanting to know how to prepare your young adult (yes really, how did that happen?) for what lies ahead. 

You know your child best, so base the help you give your child on their needs. A key question you need to ask yourself is…

Do they need stabilisers or are they ready to solo ride?

There are different stages you go through to support your children, from teaching them to ride a bike, to helping them learn how to drive as a young adult. You might remember taking their bike stabilisers off for the first time, running alongside them holding the saddle, and letting them ride the bike on their own. And, you might have even picked them up from the occasional or even spectacular fall, and encouraged them to get straight back on the bike again. Even if they honed their skills on a balance bike, they still went on a learning journey. 

Basically, some children need more support than others. And young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) or mental health conditions may need extra help at university. 

*UCAS 2024 data

Your child will need to be more self-sufficient than before, especially if they’re living away. Think through all practical things they’ll have to do, from shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying their bills. 

Be honest with yourself–how much have you done for them while they’ve been living at home? It might be the majority of household tasks if you’re like most parents or carers. The great news is that you’ve got time to pass on a few basics practical tips to get them started:

• Show them how to do laundry and what the different labels mean –’don’t tumble dry’ really does mean that!

• Teach them how to cook a few simple, quick, cheap meals (ideally ones that don’t need a lot of kitchen equipment to prepare).

• Take them shopping with you. Show them the difference between prices at different supermarkets, including the supermarket brands vs branded products, and teach them how to look for deals and use supermarket points.

Talk about wellbeing and mental health. Ask how they’re feeling, and listen. Preparations like shopping or packing can start a chat that doesn’t feel too direct. Your child may feel sad leaving family and friends, nervous about meeting new people, worried about academic pressure, or excited to get started. And those emotions aren’t linear — even the most ​‘ready to leave home’ child can have a massive wobble when you drop them off at the start of term. 

Focus on the positives, but acknowledge their concerns. Reassure them that a range of emotions is normal. Agree how often and how they want to be in contact with you when they’re away. It’ll be different for everyone.

Most students head off to university with their valuables: maybe they have a new laptop, gaming console, sports kit or a bike. Check out your own home insurance and also what’s covered in any university accommodation; some things are covered when you’re in university halls, but not in other university buildings. Use comparison sites to find specific student policies, and always check the T&Cs.

Have the conversation with your child about sensible security precautions: locking doors, closing windows, and not leaving things unattended are all things to remember to do. Talk about personal security too, such as not walking home on your own late at night, avoiding putting yourself in vulnerable situations, sharing your location via an app, and more. You may have these safeguards in place, but in new and unfamiliar settings and with different people, it’s easy to be compromised.

You can be there for them in different ways, from replying quickly if they message you, to sending them something in the post. Ask them how they’re managing their money after a few weeks, and regularly check in with them. Be prepared to give advice if they need support from you.

How much parents are expected to pay to support their children at university depends on a few things; where you live (England & Wales has different rules to Scotland for example), whether they’re living with you or away from home for university, and crucially, how much you earn. 

The student loan that your child receives to cover their living costs is means tested, but they’re likely to have a personal deficit budget, meaning they won’t be able to pay for their basic living costs, such as accommodation and food. Have you talked about this with them? How much you need to give them to make up the gap depends on one other key factor: how much you can afford to help them. Make sure you’ve had really clear conversations with your child about money and how this is going to work. Are you contributing, and if so, how much and when?

Belonging - encourage your child to find their tribe. What this looks like for them will be different. They might meet others from their course, their accommodation, church or societies. 

Being kind — encourage healthy routines and self-care. In the frenetic first fresher week, exercise, fresh air, sleep and vegetables might not be priorities, but they’ll make a big difference. Having an early night and watching a favourite film is just fine. Encourage them to find something purposeful to do on a weekend, like going for a walk, especially in that first term whilst they find their feet. 

Being in touch with home - let your child know that they can come to you for anything, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. They’ll likely call to ask whether it’s okay to eat undercooked chicken before trying it for themselves!

Budgeting — Probably for the first time in their life, your child is going to have a lot of money hit their bank account; it’s really easy to lose track of where that money is going. Send them this ultimate guide to student budgeting so they can learn what a typical student budget looks like and create their own budgeting plan.

Budgeting is simply making a plan for your money, or to put it another way…

You may be pretty good at budgeting yourself, or maybe not! Perhaps now is the time to start and you can learn together!

Talking about money with your child isn’t always the easiest subject to navigate, but there are definitely less comfortable ones! If you’ve never talked about money and budgeting with your child, you need to start now. Are you giving them a parental contribution to cover their costs? If you are, how much will it be and how often? 

Are you agreeing to continue to pay for anything else, such as a phone contract or Spotify subscription?

Like anything, student budgeting is a skill that can be developed over time. And yes, similar to learning to ride a bike, it’s something you don’t forget. 

Ultimately, budgeting helps you gain insight into your spending habits, so you can start to budget like a boss, better manage your finances, and live a fulfilling life.

At CAP, we want to equip you and your children with money management skills. Whether you’re a student or parent/​carer, our money coaching sessions will teach you about budgeting and taking control of your finances to prevent debt. You’ll even have access to online, interactive budgeting tools to support you. The best part? It’s free, and you don’t need to be a Christian to sign up.

About the author:

Alison has been a money coach with Christians Against Poverty for twelve years. She’s also supported three children through university — two graduated, and one starting second year in September. Many of the real-life examples come from talking to them and their friends.